My boy and his shoes

So I took the boys to Payless to get new sneakers yesterday. I always have a little sense of trepidation as I walk into a store. I am sure many parents struggle with finding things their kids want that work into the family budget. I know I have several friends with teenagers who struggle to agree on what is appropriate for a teen to wear. My struggle is figuring out how to handle my 3 year old sons request for everything pink, pretty and girly. Do I crush his dreams with a NO. Do I give in and face our disapproving family and worry that he will be ridiculed by his peers?

This is my struggle every time I walk into a store.

Yesterday as we walked from the car my little Goon started asking “Can I get Girl Shoes please mom?” My response was “let’s go and see what is in your size.” My 5 year old picked out a great pair of sneakers he ran up and down the aisle and he felt like a cool cat!  I tried to get his little brother to get the same pair and be JUST LIKE BROTHER! No Deal. Then I pulled all the boy shoes off the shelf.  NOPE No Deal.  He spotted the pink dress up shoes and was smitten. 

Thankfully, we were looking for sneakers so those really didn’t qualify. Although he was pretty disappointed he went along with my logic. He quickly vetoed all boy shoes, he even insisted a pair of perfectly fitting SPIDERMAN sneakers were killing his feet because they were “so tight!” I was starting to realize I had 2 choices, refuse to buy him what he wanted and deal with the tears and heartache or let the 3 year old have the sneakers he wants.  I also realized that I let the 5 year old pick out his sneakers and he picked out super cool black sneakers with lime green stripes.  This didn’t bother me at all they were in my budget and they fit great. But here I sat ready to cry because my happy little man wanted Purple Sparkle Dora sneakers.  They were in my budget and they fit him great. SO the real reason I didn’t want to buy them was because they are unacceptable in my society. They are GIRL shoes and everyone will know it.  They are NOT BOY SHOES and people will stare at him.  They are NOT what everyone else wears in his class.  I realized that my real problem was what everyone else is going to think and say.

I looked at my special little guy and although I was fighting back tears I bought him the Purple Sparkle Dora Sneakers. Though I was heartbroken my little Goon was beaming from ear to ear as he skipped out of the store on his way to the Carousel for a ride on the Pink Horse!

Mom Thank you so much for my Dora Sneakers I love them SO MUCH!!!!

National Coming Out Day!

This past month we have all heard about the bullying going on all over our country. Every kid gets bullied but lately we are hearing about all the Gay kids all the Homosexual kids that are not only being bullied but are taking their lives because of it. As a Mom there is nothing worse then hearing about a kid taking their lives. The fear that goes through you as a parent wondering if your child will face this kind of torment is very frightening. How is is that we are in the year 2010 and people are still being ridiculed for being themselves? Why is there so much fear and hate in this world?

I am so grateful that I was raised by an open minded,loving woman. We were never taught to hate anyone. Growing up there were always “different” people in our lives and my mom never pointed them out. They wee just part of our life. My mom had friends who were a different color than we were she had friends that were married, single, flamboyant and reserved. No one came with labels.

When I was in Middle School we had a break from school and my mom put us on a bus to visit my dad’s cousin Talbot. My brother and I rode that bus downstate to Long Island looking forward to spending a long weekend in New York City. We were so excited. We got off the bus and there was Talbot. I didn’t know Talbot very well but he was family and he was spending the weekend giving us culture! Standing next to Talbot was his roommate Pat. I had never met Pat but over the years I had heard snippets of family conversations and just assumed Pat was a woman. Not so! I am not one of those people that has detailed memories of their childhood. But I can tell you that I have very detailed memories of that long weekend. For 3 days Talbot and Pat packed the most amazing lunches for us. They were made with fancy bread and fancy lettuce and the most wonderful mustard and lunch meat. I know I have weird food issues but those sandwiches wrapped in wax paper felt so decadent to me. Plus they had pears and fancy juice. We drove into the city and they took us to see our first Broadway shows. We saw INTO THE WOODS and BORN YESTERDAY. I remember sitting in the audience and thinking this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to eat fancy sandwiches in wax paper and juice pears and be on Broadway! After our amazing weekend Talbot and Pat put us back on the bus and we headed home to mom. In the car driving away from the bus station after telling mom every detail of the weekend I said “I don’t understand why Talbot and Pat slept in separate rooms it is obvious they are a couple.” I don’t remember what my mom said but I do remember that this was not a subject I could bring up to my father or his family.

Many many years later I was a few weeks from my wedding and I got a phone call from Talbot. He was asking if I would like him to send me some family heirlooms as a wedding gift or something from my registry. Of course I went for the heirlooms. As we were talking Talbot said to me “I am not sure if you know but I am a Gay man and Pat and I were together for over 30 years before he died. We were very much in love and I miss his terribly.” My heart broke for this wonderful man who in his 60’s was nervous telling me this. I said “OMG Talbot of course I know I knew when I was in 7th grade and we came to visit you.” I let Talbot talk for about an hour about this wonderful man who had been his husband but who no one had recognized as such. As I prepared for my own wedding I was struck by the unfairness of our world. Of the total disregard for basic human rights. Of the ignorance and the fear that forces love to be a secret.

I am raising my children in a house full of love. We have a constant stream of family and friends from all different walks of life. We do not add labels to them. My children have several Uncles who live with Uncles and Aunts who live with Aunts. They are surrounded by people who love them and enrich their lives with diversity. I hope that my children never know bullying that they grow up to happy healthy productive members of society and they are allowed to love whomever they choose!