My boy and his shoes

So I took the boys to Payless to get new sneakers yesterday. I always have a little sense of trepidation as I walk into a store. I am sure many parents struggle with finding things their kids want that work into the family budget. I know I have several friends with teenagers who struggle to agree on what is appropriate for a teen to wear. My struggle is figuring out how to handle my 3 year old sons request for everything pink, pretty and girly. Do I crush his dreams with a NO. Do I give in and face our disapproving family and worry that he will be ridiculed by his peers?

This is my struggle every time I walk into a store.

Yesterday as we walked from the car my little Goon started asking “Can I get Girl Shoes please mom?” My response was “let’s go and see what is in your size.” My 5 year old picked out a great pair of sneakers he ran up and down the aisle and he felt like a cool cat!  I tried to get his little brother to get the same pair and be JUST LIKE BROTHER! No Deal. Then I pulled all the boy shoes off the shelf.  NOPE No Deal.  He spotted the pink dress up shoes and was smitten. 

Thankfully, we were looking for sneakers so those really didn’t qualify. Although he was pretty disappointed he went along with my logic. He quickly vetoed all boy shoes, he even insisted a pair of perfectly fitting SPIDERMAN sneakers were killing his feet because they were “so tight!” I was starting to realize I had 2 choices, refuse to buy him what he wanted and deal with the tears and heartache or let the 3 year old have the sneakers he wants.  I also realized that I let the 5 year old pick out his sneakers and he picked out super cool black sneakers with lime green stripes.  This didn’t bother me at all they were in my budget and they fit great. But here I sat ready to cry because my happy little man wanted Purple Sparkle Dora sneakers.  They were in my budget and they fit him great. SO the real reason I didn’t want to buy them was because they are unacceptable in my society. They are GIRL shoes and everyone will know it.  They are NOT BOY SHOES and people will stare at him.  They are NOT what everyone else wears in his class.  I realized that my real problem was what everyone else is going to think and say.

I looked at my special little guy and although I was fighting back tears I bought him the Purple Sparkle Dora Sneakers. Though I was heartbroken my little Goon was beaming from ear to ear as he skipped out of the store on his way to the Carousel for a ride on the Pink Horse!

Mom Thank you so much for my Dora Sneakers I love them SO MUCH!!!!

Kindergarten to go or not to go……..

In a few hours I will be driving my little Noodle to the Elementary School for his Kindergarten evaluation. I have tossed and turned all night and here I sit wide awake with only the sound of the birds and my fingers clicking away at the keys. Noddle is 4 years old his birthday is November 14th and in our school district the deadline for Kindergarten is December 1st. I have been struggling with the decision to send him to kindergarten at 4 or hold him a year since he was about 6 months old. In a few hours I have to make the final decision and I am just as confused and unsure now as I was 3 1/2 years ago.

When I first heard other moms talk about “holding” their sons a year before starting school they had reasons that mad me shake my head. They wanted their sons to be bigger and stronger so they would be better at sports. They wanted to give their sons an advantage with height, weight and agility. After looking at the athletic abilities of men in my family and my husbands family (besides my brother in law Chris) I figured the likelihood of any of my kids even being interested in sports was pretty slim. So I quickly thought those reasons silly. I think Noodle was about 6 months old when I had my first conversation about this. I remember even though I thought the reasons silly I felt a weird sense of foreboding.

As my first born entered nursery school I proudly watched for 2 years as he learned his letters, numbers, shapes and colors. I watched him pay attention to the teachers and follow directions. I cried every time he brought me home and gift made out of a jar, paper cup, cardboard tube or plastic tub. Over those two years of nursery school I heard many conversations about holding kids. I heard lots of reasons why I should hold my boy for an extra year of preschool. I have been asked questions I can’t answer and I have cried and worried over what the right decision is.

He is a smart sensitive boy he loves to play and answer questions. He is opinionated, stubborn and watchful. He wants to go to school he wants to ride the bus and he wants to learn to read. He will also be one of the younger kids in his grade. He is tall for his age but will he start puberty late? Will he be disappointed that his friends start driving before he does? Will he be immature and struggle to focus? He will graduate at 17, will he be ready for college? There are so many questions and no answers. Every kid is different. As a parent we struggle every day to make the RIGHT decisions, some of those are so easy to make. My husband and I have talked and talked this subject to death. We have consulted with his nursery school teacher, his pediatrician, my cousin who is a kindergarten teach and pretty much everyone else with a child we meet. No one can tell us what the RIGHT decision is because there is no RIGHT decision. Being a parent is sometimes taking a leap of faith. I can’t know what his choices are going to be when he is 12, 15, 17 or 30. I can only hope that when the time comes they are good choices. I can only hope that I give him the tools to make them.

So in 2 hours my husband and I will let the teachers take him through the door and if they come out and say he is ready then I guess I will be letting him ride the school bus in September. As I sit here with tears on my cheeks I wonder if there is a part of me that realizes maybe it’s me who is not ready.

Traditions – The Dance Off!

I’m all about family traditions, love when we do things and I can look at my husband and say “oh man we’re a family”. I am sure this goes back to my childhood which was rich with traditions. Family dinners, holidays, rules.

When you get married all of a sudden you are faced with my traditions verses your traditions, how do you incorporate your family’s special things with his. I mean of course mostly I want to just say Um no this is how we are doing it cause its how my mother did it. But really you have to throw a bone sometime right?

So at our house we are always rethinking our traditions, for the past two years we have had a Big Family Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner here. This has been a HUGE undertaking and expense. Our reasoning has been that we have big families and we don’t want to traipse all over town with kids in toe we would rather everyone come here. Well after this years Christmas Dinner disaster where the kitchen sink clogged up and we had to do dishes out of Garden buckets we decided maybe we change this tradition and Christmas Day we just stay home with us and no big dinner.

So not only do you have to incorporate family traditions but you also have to start new family traditions things that are just ours and that our kids will grow knowing and eventually fight their spouses into submitting them into their families. Our latest tradition is The Dance Off. My husband and I have decided that whenever we have a disagreement we will have a Dance Off. Now so far this has been working great!!! Mostly we end up just laughing our fannies off. My 11 year old Step-Son on the other hand thinks we are retarded. So far he has not joined in on the Dance Off although I have explained to him that this will be the only way to resolve issues from now on. The 2 younger kids are right on board with us! But the truly best part is watching the boy try so hard not to laugh when he wants to be pissed off so bad. It is the greatest torture you can do to a teenager! My husband and I just DANCE OFF! Right in front of him challenge him and the kid just stares with that hint of a smile in his eyes. It is a beautiful thing and truly the best tradition we have come up with!